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public/blog/content/poof-and-its-gone.html

@@ -8,43 +8,42 @@
     <p>
         Since reading Ray Peat's work and drastically improving my wellbeing&mdash;something that had been declining for years&mdash;I've
         been thinking more and more often about the phenomenon of learned helplessness and its relevance in my own life. Sometimes,
-        looking back to past times can be useful to help reorient yourself in the present. In doing so you're better equipped to
+        looking back to past times can be useful to help reorient yourself in the present. In doing so, you can be better equipped to
         aim towards a more desirable future. Sometimes, a new perspective or experience might instantly obliterate previous
-        behaviour without any sort of concerted mental or physical grunt to eradicate it.
+        behaviour without any concerted mental or physical gruntwork to eradicate it.
     </p>
     <p>
         On the flipside, I have sometimes hopelessly tried to forcefully change my behaviour, employing all the en vogue
-        self-help tricks to form long-term habits, only to lose them just as quickly as they formed in the months that would
+        self-help tricks to form long-term habits, only to lose them just as quickly as they formed in the months that 
-        follow. These kinds of experiences remind me of those hypnosis advertisements that claim to have you give up smoking
+        followed. These kinds of experiences remind me of those hypnosis advertisements that claim they'll have you give up smoking
-        after just a few sessions; sometimes it's even after just one visit. There's no short supply <i>miracle cure</i> stories
+        after just a few sessions; sometimes it's even after just one visit. There's no short supply of <i>miracle cure</i> stories
         or reports of sudden, permanent breaks in addiction. Cold-turkey clean cuts that seem to arise with no obvious effort on
         the part of the addict, no signs of worn willpower.
     </p>
     <p>
-        When I was sixteen I spent six weeks abroad in a small town called Marburg in Hesse, Germany. Those six weeks were spent
+        When I was sixteen I spent six weeks abroad in a small town called Marburg in Hesse, Germany. I spent that time
-        living with a new family along with my exchange student, Arne, who had been staying with my family for the six weeks
+        living with a new family along with my exchange student, Arne, who had been staying with my own family in Melbourne for
-        prior. Those were six exciting weeks of school, new acquaintances, a new language (albeit one I had been "studying" in
+        the same period of time just prior. Those were six exciting weeks of school, new acquaintances, a new language
-        the Australian school system) and unfamiliar cultural quirks.
+        (albeit one I had been "studying" in the Australian school system) and unfamiliar cultural quirks.
     </p>
     <p>
         It was a barrage of stimulation, I came home every day from school and would collapse, totally exhausted, onto my
-        exchange student's bed, which was graciously mine to use for the duration of the stay. It's not like I was actually expected to
+        exchange student's bed, which had been graciously given to me to use for the duration of my stay. Even tough I was utterly <i>kaputt</i> it's not like I was actually expected to
         <i>learn</i> anything or do any homework whilst I was at school here&mdash;I was basically on holidays and could really
-        have just treated it as such. Plenty of my own classmates  who had been on a very similar trip certainly did. I'm not sure many of them
+        have just treated it as such. Plenty of my own classmates who had also been on a very similar trip certainly did. I'm not sure many of them
-        learnt or used much German beyond <i>"Wo ist McDonalds?"</i> I, on the other hand, thanks to a romantic summer fling,
+        learnt or used much German beyond <i>"Wo ist McDonalds?"</i> Thanks to a romantic summer fling,
-        had been gradually becoming more fascinated with the structure of German before arriving. Once there, especially at that
+        I had been gradually becoming more fascinated with the structure of German before arriving. Once there, the Deutsch on the blackboard looked more like a sophisticated puzzle game than a
-        age I presume, the Deutsch on the blackboard looked more like a sophisticated puzzle game than a
+        complete drag of a memorisation task, presumably aided by my younger, more language sensitive age at the time. Each day was a new game of detective guesswork, and better still, I got to play
-        complete drag of a memorisation task. Each day was a new game of deductive guesswork, and better still, I got to play
+        with new ideas about how the language works each day in the schoolyard with the new friends I was making. New ways to
-        with new ideas about how the language works every day in the schoolyard with the new friends I was making. New ways to
         describe how things are situated in space, adverbs for how they move in relation to one another, mysterious new prefixes and other quaint linguistic
-        quirks, like the insane backwards word order of German, provided unlimited entertainment to see if I was up to
+        quirks, like the insane backwards word order of German&em;unlimited entertainment to see if I was up to
-        the challenge. I practically spent all my time in class ogling the immaculate chalk handwriting of the various teachers,
+        the challenge. I practically spent all my time in class ogling the immaculate chalk handwriting of the various teachers, I remember biology and German class in particular, and
         trying to work out what on Earth was going on. For some strange reason, it was a kind of bliss.
     </p>
     <p>
         On top of this, I was in the grade just above mine back home in Australia. Whilst that really shouldn't have made much
         difference, the amount of responsibility and independence these kids were allowed to exercise at sixteen or seventeen was
-        nothing short of amazing to my adolescent self. I had never seen anything like it. Some of my classmates would stand out
+        nothing short of amazing to me at that age. I had never seen anything like it. Some of my classmates would stand out
         the front of school during lunchtime and smoke a couple of cigarettes with their own teachers, something I find kind of insane
         still to this day; it certainly would never have been acceptable back at home. Starting in the senior
         school, you were allowed to just leave and go home if you didn't have anywhere to be, so long as you were back in time
@@ -55,21 +54,21 @@
     <p>
         These classmates of mine were running their own meetings headed by the <i>Klassensprecher</i>, the class
         representatives, and much unlike similar candidates back home, they actually seemed cool, they seemed like people I
-        might like to hang out with and befriend. Alongside making decision making about general school organisation, they would
+        might like to hang out with and befriend. Alongside decision making regarding general classroom organisation, they would
-        organise class bus trips, we saw a local band comprised of kids from the local schools, and for the first time I drank
+        organise class bus trips: we saw a local band comprised of kids from the local schools, and for the first time in my life I drank
-        alcohol with everybody, just hanging out and left to our own devices. It was a sense of freedom and self-responsibility
+        alcohol along with everybody else there, just hanging out and left to our own devices. It was a sense of freedom and self-responsibility
         that wasn't afforded to me by the school system back home. Increasingly Australia, and especially Victoria, from which I
         hail, is branded as a "nanny state", and my experiences in Germany reinforce that.
     </p>
     <p>
         I really felt like I was in the midst of some sort of Hollywood production, an atmosphere that didn't quite seem tangible in
-        Australia. The intersection in the Venn diagram of taking on of responsibility and having free reign was
+        Australia. The intersection in the Venn diagram of taking on responsibility and having free reign was
-        vanishingly small amongst teenagers. Either you wagged class and/or did drugs, or obediently followed the rules. As the
+        vanishingly small amongst teenagers. Either you wagged class and maybe did drugs, or you obediently followed the rules. As the
-        years went by, the fine line between the two seemed to vanish further and further, at least from where I was standing.
+        years went by, the fine line between the two seemed to vanish further and further, at least that's how it looked from where I was standing.
     </p>
     <p>
-        Back in Australia, a routine had begun to solidify itself leading up to this trip. It was a routine of coming home,
+        Back in Australia, a routine had begun to solidify itself leading up to this trip. I would come home,
-        maybe doing homework, and then browsing Reddit and playing hours of Team Fortress 2. I had racked up an impressive 2000
+        maybe do homework, and then browse Reddit and play hours of Team Fortress 2. I had racked up an impressive 2000
         hours in-game. It seemed fairly inconsequential to me, and my high school friends, unlike primary school, were mostly
         fragmented, and so on weeknights I didn't find myself hanging out with many people regularly. I did try to get Team Fortress
         working on the old computer my host family had in Germany, just for fun, but to no avail. However, even whilst
@@ -83,18 +82,18 @@
     </p>
     <p>
         I'm not exactly sure what facet of my overseas trip pushed me to change my behaviour so effortlessly, but I think it was
-        the culmination of the incredibly enriched environment. As I have looked back on those times over the past few years, especially since
+        the culmination of all my experiences in that incredibly enriched environment. As I have looked back on those times over the past few years, especially since
         discovering Ray, I can't help but think that I found myself in a "rat park" experiment during that time. Or I perhaps I was one of the rats
         looking on, watching as others were freed from certain death by drowning. My habits in Australia suddenly seemed dull and useless, like I was stuck in
-        what the Germans call a <i>goldener Käfig</i> or <i>gilded cage</i>; basically trapped in a environment forged by
+        what the Germans call a <i>goldener Käfig</i> or <i>gilded cage</i>; basically inescapably trapped in an environment forged by
-        my own riches and good intentions. Participating in the foreign exchange program widened my horizons. I could see that, indeed, what
+        my own riches and good intentions. Participating in the foreign exchange program widened my horizons. I could see that what
-        I was missing out on <i>was</i> possible, and I had the power to change my lifestyle.
+        I was missing out on indeed <i>was</i> possible, and I had the power to change my lifestyle.
     </p>
     <p>
-        It would be nice if I could now say that I've since enjoyed a deeply enriched life and everything has been hunky dory, but alas
+        It would be nice if I could now say that I've since enjoyed a deeply enriched life and it has been smooth sailing from there on out, that this turning point in my life catapulted me into nirvana. But alas
-        I wouldn't be a fan of Ray's if I didn't encounter a struggle or two along the way. But I seems to have profoundly changed the course of my
+        I wouldn't be a fan of Ray's if I never encountered a struggle or two along the way. But it seems to have profoundly changed the course of my
         life for the better. Ever since then, I've found it extremely difficult to waste my days away without having a
-        sense of direction in my life. Though this has, some times more than others, been a source of anxiety. I certainly don't think I
+        sense of direction in my life. Although, this has been a source of anxiety, some time more than others. I certainly don't think I
         would have found it so simple to move abroad and continue to learn German whilst living, studying, and working in Munich for
         several years like I have been if I had never gone on that trip.
     </p>